Evans, from New York
What is up with men in this day and age? I’m okay with the fact that traditional dating has gone the way of the horse-drawn buggy, but I cannot subscribe to the idea that guys should be let off the hook for all the inappropriate things they do—in the name of new age dating. Lately I’ve been meeting nothing but lazy daters. We all know them. They’re the guys who have a lukewarm approach to dating, almost too scared (or stupid maybe?) to just be forthcoming with a girl about what they want, and where things are going. They cower behind “hanging out” and sports bar happy hours, in the attempt to avoid sitting down to dinner and needing to make eye contact with you and reveal something about themselves. I think the guys that do this have something undesirable that they don’t want you to find out. And they’re afraid that if they’re forced to have a real conversation you might find out before they get a chance to get you in bed. I’m not getting any younger, and I’d like to settle down, but I refuse to settle. And if a guy can’t get it together, and woo me, and pursue me in a way that makes me feel special and appreciated (and in turn there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him), he needs to just walk on by.
Guys, if you’re not sure what constitutes a lazy dater, a few scenarios and tips for you to identify one:
If you ask a girl to travel to your neighborhood (like she lives in Parkchester and you live in Sunset Park, or she lives in Pleasnton and you live in the Mission District) on a Saturday night to have a drink you’re a lazy dater. Meet her half way, in a neutral zone. No woman should have to ride the train or drive for more than an hour because you don’t want to leave your block. At the end of the night you get home in less than five minutes and she’s got quite a ride ahead of her. And the ploy to get her in your neighborhood so you can get her in your apartment so you can get her in your bed is not an okay first date move. Don’t be a dick!
If you suggest to a woman where you’ll be and simply expect her to show up, you’re a lazy dater. If you want to see her just ask the girl out. Let her know that you want to spend time with her, not like she’s an afterthought in case your friends don’t show up. And say it directly, she’s not a mind reader. Make solid plans and see them through.
If you think a woman should be grateful that you took care of the check (and you think she should pump fake) you’re a cheap dater—and most likely lazy. What happened to the art of wooing? When a man asked a woman if he could take her to dinner, and he showed up with flowers for her and whiskey for her dad. He met her brothers and got the assessment before they went anywhere, and he didn’t take her back into the barn to roll around in the hay until maybe the eighth date. And he paid the bill with no trepidation. Most women are not impressed by a guy asking to go Dutch. And no woman goes gaga over a guy who expects her to pick up the tab completely. It’s cheap and lazy. It gives the message that you don’t value her time and you’re not ready to spend money until you know what the return on the investment will be. Isn’t spending time with her enough?
If you think taking a girl to the bar where you watch Sunday afternoon Football is the perfect date, you are a lazy dater. Get out of your comfort zone. First dates are nerve racking enough, it’s less than fair when one party is in their very own Cheers and the other party is out on a limb. It’s great that you get free drinks because you frequent that bar so much. But seriously, if it’s a dude bar, guys are screaming at the TV, you are screaming at the TV, there are TVs, and you’re most likely in a sports jersey, it’s not impressive. That type of activity takes a few dates before it’s okay. But show a girl a good time by taking some interest in what she likes. If she tells you she loves fried chicken tenders, draught Hoegaarden, and the Nets, then that date is splendid. Otherwise, do more, try harder, and please, please don’t be lazy.
